The algorithm that determines what videos show up in my YouTube feed sometimes bring very pleasant surprises. I just saw this video of a new release by the French jazz/pop singer Zaz. It’s called “Je pardonne.” Although it is in no way explicitly religious, it does capture well the liberty that forgiveness provides. The song includes several lines in Spanish that are repeated a few times: “Te perdonno. Me perdonno. Pero me recuerdo todo.” “I forgive you. I forgive myself. But I remember everything.” I don’t know why the words are in Spanish, but they do point to important dimensions of forgiveness. Have a listen:
As we are forgiven, so we must forgive others. If we harbour feelings of anger, resentment or hatred against those who have harmed us, if we are unable or unwilling to forgive them, it means that the evil done to us has won its victory in the only “place” that matters – in our hearts. This is why we have to repent of our negative emotions, ask to be healed from them and try again and again to forgive our enemies.
This is very difficult for us to do. We tend to cherish our “righteous” anger and hate. We sometimes believe that to let go of them is not only unnatural, it may even be wrong. In fact, during most of human history, including the present, anger and a desire for retribution have been considered not only normal but also a social and even a religious duty. Not to resist the aggressor, not to seek vengeance for a wrong done against oneself, one’s family, country or friends is even now often viewed as a failure of nerve and an offence against loyalty and honour.
And yet, it is this “failure” to which the Gospel calls us. The Gospel tells us that we cannot fight evil with more evil but only with forgiveness and love, and that if we want to be the disciples of Christ we cannot, like the “pagans,” love only our friends (Matthew 5:43-46).
This does not mean that we should deny our negative emotions towards those who have done us harm or that we should feel guilty for having them, or, worse, blame ourselves for the evil committed against us by others, as people who have been abused sometimes do. True forgiveness cannot even begin unless we are able to acknowledge that there is something to forgive; that we have been wronged, we are angry and hurt. If we deny that, we are denying that an evil act has been committed, we negate its importance and thus, as the late Orthodox theologian Fr. Thomas Hopkins once remarked, we make forgiveness spiritually meaningless. We also make repentance meaningless because if there is no wrongdoing and no sin, there is no need for repentance and mercy.
On the other hand, it is also important for us to realize that when we forgive others for the wrong they have done, we are not “absolving” them from the responsibility for their sin. We cannot absolve anybody – including ourselves – for only God can do that. We can only pray for our enemies and ask God to give them the grace of repentance, so that their hearts may be changed, that they may be converted and return to God. This is, I think, what Christ meant when he said that we should “love our enemies.” Asking God’s mercy for those who have wronged us is one way, and perhaps the only way, open to most of us for loving them.
It can also be very difficult to forgive and love those who have harmed us without intending to do so. They may have hurt us or those we love by accident or a dreadful mistake, through weakness of body or mind, an error of judgement or a lapse of memory – in other words, as a result of their human fallibility. Even if we understand that they did not mean to harm us and are perhaps themselves close to despair, we may not be able to stop being angry with them and blaming them for the suffering they have brought on us.
And yet, both the Gospel and human experience show clearly that unless we do precisely that – unless we forgive others for all the harm that they have done to us whether knowingly or inadvertently, we shall never be able to lay down the burden of our loss. And our “enemies,” those who have hurt us, will never be able to forgive themselves and find peace. We must therefore not refuse to be merciful to them as we hope those we have hurt will not refuse to be merciful to us, and as God will never refuse to be to us all.
En Francais
Ici on parle français — Réflexion
Forgiveness
The algorithm that determines what videos show up in my YouTube feed sometimes bring very pleasant surprises. I just saw this video of a new release by the French jazz/pop singer Zaz. It’s called “Je pardonne.” Although it is in no way explicitly religious, it does capture well the liberty that forgiveness provides. The song includes several lines in Spanish that are repeated a few times: “Te perdonno. Me perdonno. Pero me recuerdo todo.” “I forgive you. I forgive myself. But I remember everything.” I don’t know why the words are in Spanish, but they do point to important dimensions of forgiveness. Have a listen:
As we are forgiven, so we must forgive others. If we harbour feelings of anger, resentment or hatred against those who have harmed us, if we are unable or unwilling to forgive them, it means that the evil done to us has won its victory in the only “place” that matters – in our hearts. This is why we have to repent of our negative emotions, ask to be healed from them and try again and again to forgive our enemies.
This is very difficult for us to do. We tend to cherish our “righteous” anger and hate. We sometimes believe that to let go of them is not only unnatural, it may even be wrong. In fact, during most of human history, including the present, anger and a desire for retribution have been considered not only normal but also a social and even a religious duty. Not to resist the aggressor, not to seek vengeance for a wrong done against oneself, one’s family, country or friends is even now often viewed as a failure of nerve and an offence against loyalty and honour.
And yet, it is this “failure” to which the Gospel calls us. The Gospel tells us that we cannot fight evil with more evil but only with forgiveness and love, and that if we want to be the disciples of Christ we cannot, like the “pagans,” love only our friends (Matthew 5:43-46).
This does not mean that we should deny our negative emotions towards those who have done us harm or that we should feel guilty for having them, or, worse, blame ourselves for the evil committed against us by others, as people who have been abused sometimes do. True forgiveness cannot even begin unless we are able to acknowledge that there is something to forgive; that we have been wronged, we are angry and hurt. If we deny that, we are denying that an evil act has been committed, we negate its importance and thus, as the late Orthodox theologian Fr. Thomas Hopkins once remarked, we make forgiveness spiritually meaningless. We also make repentance meaningless because if there is no wrongdoing and no sin, there is no need for repentance and mercy.
On the other hand, it is also important for us to realize that when we forgive others for the wrong they have done, we are not “absolving” them from the responsibility for their sin. We cannot absolve anybody – including ourselves – for only God can do that. We can only pray for our enemies and ask God to give them the grace of repentance, so that their hearts may be changed, that they may be converted and return to God. This is, I think, what Christ meant when he said that we should “love our enemies.” Asking God’s mercy for those who have wronged us is one way, and perhaps the only way, open to most of us for loving them.
It can also be very difficult to forgive and love those who have harmed us without intending to do so. They may have hurt us or those we love by accident or a dreadful mistake, through weakness of body or mind, an error of judgement or a lapse of memory – in other words, as a result of their human fallibility. Even if we understand that they did not mean to harm us and are perhaps themselves close to despair, we may not be able to stop being angry with them and blaming them for the suffering they have brought on us.
And yet, both the Gospel and human experience show clearly that unless we do precisely that – unless we forgive others for all the harm that they have done to us whether knowingly or inadvertently, we shall never be able to lay down the burden of our loss. And our “enemies,” those who have hurt us, will never be able to forgive themselves and find peace. We must therefore not refuse to be merciful to them as we hope those we have hurt will not refuse to be merciful to us, and as God will never refuse to be to us all.
En Francais
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