Love yourself as your neighbour

A few years ago, I was feeling uncertain about a sermon I wrote for the Baptism of Jesus (Matthew 3:13-17). The Gospel reading itself is beautiful, describing the moment that the Spirit of God descends upon Jesus and God claims Jesus as God’s cherished son. Unfortunately, I felt that my sermon failed to capture that beauty; the words did not flow, the message had not crystalized, and it was Sunday morning—my time had run out. I messaged a clergy friend to commiserate, but their response completely floored me: “Rosemary, you are God’s beloved child, and with you, God is well pleased.”

In Church Land, we tend to focus primarily on the first half of Jesus’ second Commandment: “Love your neighbour.” When our parishes collect donations for the food bank, sponsor refugee families, or support isolated seniors, we know that we are doing God’s work of loving our neighbours. There is a sense of confidence and rightness in outreach projects—we are fulfilling our mission as Christians—and everyone is eager to contribute. Even our smaller, rural parishes in this diocese are very generous to the community. Before it closed, St John’s Innisville always made sure to have a Mitten Tree at Christmas and extend the warmth of God’s love to their neighbours in need.

Yet what about the second half of Jesus’ second commandment: “Love your neighbour as yourselves?” After my sermon mishap, I realized that I do not always feel like God’s beloved child or even worthy of God’s love. That may sound funny, but take a moment and reflect on this: Do you feel God’s love and grace truly extends to you, personally?

This is more than important to our life as Christians than it may seem. When we do not feel love for ourselves, we can become brittle. If we cannot forgive ourselves for mistakes or imperfections, we struggle to forgive others for their own flaws. If we cannot accept God’s forgiveness for ourselves, we cannot extend God’s forgiveness to others. Sometimes in Church Land, this manifests as a strong emphasis on everything being precise and perfect, because we want to offer God our very best. Unfortunately, this can then create a culture where anything or anyone less than perfect is judged or corrected.

The good news is that God’s love is not judgmental or corrective but expansive and encouraging. When I got up to preach that sermon, I tried to focus on God’s love for me and allowed my imperfect words to be carried by God’s perfect grace. This shift in thinking is far more than just a silly self-help strategy; it strengthens our ability to be in community with one another. Feeling calm and comfortable in our own selves then allows us to be gracious and kind with those around us.

After all, there is more than one way to love our neighbours. It is not limited to outreach projects or food drives. It is also about treating one another with dignity, respect, and compassion each and every day–just like God treats every one of us, as God’s beloved children. As the legendary Drag Queen Rupaul says, “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an Amen?” Amen!

The Rev. Rosemary Parker is Incumbent of St. Aidan’s parish in Ottawa.