“Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be.”

By The Ven. Peter Crosby

Some books read like a good visit with a trusted soul friend. The Gift of Years, Growing Old Gracefully by Joan Chittister is one of those books. Chittister shares spiritual wisdom, grounded in her own senior-hood, and in a life of Benedictine religious community, writing, broadcasting, public speaking, and activism. The Gift of Years is not a how-to book for older adults about their finances, wills or health. It is not “Senior-hood for Dummies.” It is less about information and more about our continued formation into the fullness of the stature of Christ. Chittister looks honestly and hopefully at issues and challenges of aging. She has a gift for seeing blessings and opportunities hidden in what we might label as our problems.

According to Chittister, the spiritual task of senior-hood is embracing the blessing of the years and overcoming their burden. The mental and spiritual attitudes we bring to the changes that come with advancing age will determine who we become as we grow older. Our senior years can grant a unique perspective on the whole of our lives, previously unavailable to us at earlier stages, providing opportunities for meaning, healing and deeper growth. 

The book is organized into 40 short topical chapters, each of a length well suited for a time of quiet personal reflection, journaling and prayer, or perhaps shared in a small group with others. While the chapters can be read in any order, it seems fitting that Chittister begins with the topic of ‘Regret’ and concludes with ‘Legacy.’ Her book is full of memorable lines. She describes regret as “one of the ghosts of aging,” and “a sand trap for the soul.” The “should haves” (should have done this or that) is a “direct road to depression” and “damps the glow of what we did do.”  We risk devaluing who we, in fact, are and by implication, doubt the One who made us and accompanies us. With an eye to hidden graces, Chittister invites us to see that even our regret for ways in which we have hurt, wronged or failed others, is an affirmation that we are not longer that person, we have grown and changed. Acceptance and honouring of the roads that have brought us to where we are now, gives us the possibility of seeing our new roads (changes) as “full of God-ness,” as were our past roads. Twinges of regret are a “step over point” in life, inviting a reconsideration of past ideals, motives, and relationships. For Chittister, the goal is always seeking the fullness of life God wants for each of us.

In the “Outreach” chapter, Chittister underscores the harmful isolation suffered by many seniors (especially some of our most elderly). However, she also affirms the importance of our choices: “We need to go out to the rest of the world, rather than wait for the world to come to us.” She describes “generativity” as “the act of giving ourselves to the rest of the world,” and declares that it is the most important function of old age. One might also call this giving back or paying it forward. She quotes studies which have shown that widening our social circles through involvement with others, and by serving and helping within our capacities is the key factor in successful aging (i.e. overall wellness, happiness, wholeness). 

As we look at our Church and society, we see many seniors, from the “young old” to the elderly in key volunteer roles, serving as caregivers to both the young and the old, sharing gifts, talents, knowledge and wisdom. Our Christian Scriptures teach us that it is in giving that we receive. We are blessed in order to bless. Our local parish churches are uniquely placed to facilitate life-giving divine and human connections, as well as serving as portals for various forms of helping ministries (both giving and receiving). 

The chapters in The Gift of Years explore a wide range of topics from fear to newness; nostalgia, loneliness, appreciation and faith, along with many others. The introduction “The Purpose of Life” and the afterward “The Twilight Times” are both well worth reading. The shortest chapter is the last one, and arguably the most important. For Chittister, “Legacy” is not about money or possessions, but about how we have impacted others, and the world, through our actions and our attitudes. In our senior years, we have both the vision and the wisdom to see to it that our legacy is what we want it to be. Now is the time to do something about that. If you are young, it is never too early to start!

There is nothing naïve or Pollyanna-like about Chittister’s understanding of the last portion of our lives. The grace needed to sustain us and keep us growing in Christ is to be found within our burdened and blessed human condition. 

Put the kettle on, pour yourself a cuppa, and spend some time with Joan Chittister as a soul friend and companion on the journey.

*The quotation above is from a poem by Robert Browning.